Monday, April 28, 2008

NOW I Have Reached The Limit...

and I really just can't do this anymore.

So anyone wanna know what all the swelling in my neck from my surgery on the 15th was from?A G-DAMN ABSESS!!! That's right, the entire left side of my neck is absessed and disgusting. I thought I had just done something wrong during the playdate I had with a friend but nope, it was my neck showing how badly infected it had gotten.

Last Friday I called my surgeon and said AGAIN that it was huge and that I felt something was wrong. AGAIN she made me feel like crap and guilt tripped me into not coming in. So at 3am on Saturday morning I wake up because I feel something on my neck. Turn on the bathroom light and there is blood and pus EVERYWHERE. It seems that my neck got so swollen it popped a stitch in my incision to let out the festering shit that was inside.

Since I don't have any feeling at all in that side of my neck due to nerve damage, I didn't feel anything other than the outward appearance and hardness I could touch with my hands. I can't imagine what this would have felt like if my neck wasn't all messed up!

I squeezed a whole lot of stuff out of the wound, put some triple antibiotic on it, and went in to Urgent Care. I found out I had an absess, they cleaned it out (they could stick a swab almost three inches into my neck), packed it with gauze, covered the entire left side of my neck with padding and tape, and put me on antibiotics & steroids.

So I spent part of Big B's birthday in Urgent Care, had to go back to have it repacked on Sunday, had to go in again today for the same, have to go back again tomorrow....and who knows how long this will go on.

The best part? The fucking surgeon's office won't squeeze me in even though I told them how badly they have messed up!!! That's okay, I've documented every single part of this and I'm having someone's ass for this!!!

I just don't get why I keep getting crappy medical care. I'm really not a hard patient to deal with. I TRY to find good doctors. What am I doing so wrong here? I feel so beaten down and keep crying at the drop of the hat for the first time since all of this began with pity. The "Why Me?" crap is real heavy here right now but I think that's because the shitty care just seem to keep coming and coming and coming like I'm SUPPOSE to be broken by it. *sigh* I hate doctors! HATE THEM!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dammit. Just Dammit.

Yesterday I had my surgery to remove the lymph node that has been pressing on my carotid artery. Everything went fine and I busted out of the recovery room as fast as I could (I hate laying in those beds when I know I can be home).

I came home and the pain started. No biggie I'm use to pain. Okay so it hurts to move my head. Okay so the incision is lower down than I expected which means people are going to stare at me again. Okay so now I have no feeling at all around my left jaw. Great more nerve damage. Oh well, I can handle these.

Take some stuff for pain and to knock me out for a few hours last night....

And wake up this morning with the left side of my neck swollen and HUGE plus an awful headache. I can hear fluid squishing around in there when I touch it and I have a feeling this means I'm headed back to the hospital in a little while. I don't want to go back to the hospital! This is such crap. Why does something have to fuck up with every single damn surgery?!

*sigh* So yes, this is Jo being a whiny little bitch. I'm not posting to get attention just posting because everyone else is still asleep and I'm crying pissed off tears. Plus, I don't have long distance so I can just call my best friend and cry to her. Don't you feel lucky folks? LOL

Bugger. Bugger Bugger Bugger.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Do You Find This Creepy?

*this is not a paid post or advertising post but a real question from me personally.*

I've been thinking about this lately and thought I would see what other people's thoughts were on this. I have already started making arrangements for when I die. Hopefully that won't come for a long time but I hit a point last year where I decided I didn't want my family to have to deal with figuring everything out while they are grieving.

So last week I let the kids pick out the Memorial Urns that some of my ashes will be put in for each of them. I even saved up money for several months to buy fairly nice ones so around here talking about it has been like talking about the weather...

Me: "What do you think of this one Bret?"
Bret: "Too girlie. What about that one?"
Me: "Oh I like that. Do you guys want that one?"

Seriously, it's how we discuss it. Here is the one we chose; Mother's Touch Urn

Next I will be buying the cremation jewelry for each of them and a keepsake urn for Vin as well. Do you find this creepy and weird or smart? I feel deep down that this cancer is going to end up in my bones and I want to be ready for it. I want all this out of the way so we can enjoy the time we will have left at that point.

Some people think it is morbid and that it's not good for the kids. I think it's good for them to know it's a reality, it will happen someday, and then toss it to the side. We don't dwell on it (because again, I could live another 20 years if this cancer behaves) but accept it and to be honest, it has been very freeing for all of us. The kids even know what I want done with my remains, where my will is, and who is getting what material-wise.

How do you feel about this? Is this what you would do with your family or do you think there is a better way? I'm honestly asking and welcome all opinions even if you think I'm a sick freak.


Friday, April 04, 2008

Update on Breast Lump and Node in Neck

I felt so kinky on Monday, I got felt up by a chic while two guys watched. GO ME!!!!

Okay so what really happened is the breast surgeon examined me at my appointment and I could have given a shit less that two med students watched. LMFAO.

The word on the lump in my right breast is that it does NOT look to be a form of breast cancer and is most likely metastatic medullary cancer. We are going to do another scan in three months and go from there on it. Of course, if it IS metastatic MTC then I am the only person this surgeon has known that has had it spread there. I'm going to have to check with my MTC group and see if anyone else has had it though because the folks on the group would know.

As for the the lymph node in my neck, I will be having surgery to have it removed on April 15th. It will be easy compared to my last cancer surgery on my neck so I'm happy.

I'm not going to St Louis at this point because the doctor felt (she's a thyroid & breast surgeon) we would cause more damage than good if we went after the other 12 (?) cancerous lymph nodes in my neck. I already have a ton of scar tissue AND we already know the medullary cancer has spread to my armpits and lungs sooooooooooo no hurry taking out a bunch of little lumps. Same thing goes for the spots in my lungs. It just all stays for now and once they start growing then we'll turn to surgery and maintenance meds.

So all in all a good day. I get to keep what little bitty boobies I got and I finally get this damn thing out of my neck that has been pressing on my carotid artery and causing the mini strokes. I'm a happy camper!

Other than that it has been a pretty quiet week. I wanted to post sooner but I haven't felt too well lately. Nothing big just migraines and little irritating things. I'm going to try to write up a few posts for this and my other blogs within the next few days though so I can start getting into the swing of things again. I miss blogging and miss reading everyone's blogs as well.

Have a great weekend everyone and take care.