Insurance Companies Suck Too

I filed a formal complaint with our insurance company (Lovelace Health) on Dr. Jerk Rheumatologist in hopes that they would actually look into it. Of course, I was wrong. All they did was have one of their people go to Dr. Jerk, ask him if he "fired" me, he told them "no", and that was it. They believed him and basically told me too get bent. :(

He of course didn't write down in his notes what he said to me so he was able to lie his way out of the whole thing even though Dr. M said the notes that were sent to him basically stated Dr. Jerk was finished with me! They didn't bother to ask Dr. M any questions. Of course, why would they because then it would mean they were actually doing something.

That creep sat there, looked me in the eye and said... and I quote-

Jerk- "Well we won't need to see you again unless something new comes up"
Me- "So what does that mean? So I don't make anymore follow up appointments?"
Jerk- "No, there's nothing more I can do for you. Okay, so you don't even need to go by the window on your way out. Good-bye"

That is exactly how the conversation went and that jerk lied his ass off when questioned! I know he's ignorant but it's upsetting to know that Lovelace Health doesn't care about their customers either.

I sat in my van and cried for TWO HOURS because of that asshole and when I file a complaint I pretty much get told just to shove it! Nice, I'm very happy to know that each month money is being taken out of my husband's paycheck to pay for insurance through this company!

Until some of these doctors pull their heads out of their pompous asses we as patients are damned if we do and damned if we don't.

I had an appointment with a new oncologist that I cancelled when I received the insurance company's stupid letter. I'm just not going to do it anymore. I'm finished. They win. I'm through being a good girl and going to all these doctors just to get treated like dirt because they think they know it all.

Unless you are a doctor that specializes in MEN2a and/or medullary thyroid cancer then you don't know even a quarter as much as I or most other MENnies I know do. WE study more than just a chapter on it. WE live it every day of our lives. WE are the ones who do the research while you sit back in your chair with that smug look on your face bluffing your way through our appointment. WE educate ourselves to understand this because doctors like YOU could care less.

It's because of YOU that most of us have been through botched surgeries, problems with medications, scary trips to the ER, and left in pain. It's because YOU think you are the be all end all. Here's a little truth to shove down your cocky self-righteous throats... you don't know squat! You know nothing and your manners with patients suck even worse than your attitude! But hey, what do you care? No matter what you get your money and isn't that all it's really about for you? It surely isn't because you want to help people. Every single one of you doctors with your heads up your asses make me sick!

To the doctors who truly care, who actually listen, and who give us even just a little respect and credit for knowing what we're talking about as well... Thank you. Thank you from me and my children. You are too few and far between which is a shame. Knowing you are there though helps people like me not just give up hope. Thank you for that.

Thank you to Dr. Jennifer Lawrence for crying when she gave me the MEN2a results on my children. Thank you for caring for them during our search for a ped endo. Thank you for trying to talk me out of going to Tampa for my surgeries. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you.

Thank you to Dr. Samuel Wells for all the phone calls two years ago when we were trying to figure out if I was eligible for the study. You always cared first and foremost about how the kids and I were doing and even when we knew that I couldn't be in the study you still cared. That meant alot.

Thank you to Brad Ridge the PA at Valdosta Family Medicine Associates PC. If it wasn't for you who knows when the MEN2a and cancer would have been found. You literally saved mine and my childrens' lives and for that I am forever thankful. Being upset over a pregnancy test seems so silly now. ;)

Thank you to Dr. Christian Meuli for always listening to my ideas, thoughts, and suggestions. Thank you for letting me be a part of my healthcare. It's because of you that I stand up for myself and my kids with other doctors. It's because of you I know we deserve great care. Thank you for that.

I know that anytime someone Googles any of those names they will be led to this blog and hopefully they will read about the great care providers I listed. If only there were more doctors like these in the world it would make things so much better for us and them both. Of course, if all doctors were like them then I couldn't say how special they are now could I? ;)

Perfect Example Of Jerky Doctor!

*I took out some of the curse words now that I'm not so upset*

Well it seems I will be looking for a new rheumatologist and my original feelings about Dr. O were correct.... he is a jerk! I was unable to see him for about six months due to how tight finances have been around here. I made an appointment with him for April 16th so I could catch him up on things and ask some questions. He had his mind made up before I even got there that he was going to ditch me. Of course, he made sure he got his money and copay first. Jerk!

I told him I wasn't on the Cymbalta any longer because as I had informed him several months earlier, it was causing severe mood swings and I know for a fact it's the Cymbalta because the same thing happened two years ago when I was given it for the nerve pain in my neck. That was the first "stupid b*tch" look he gave me. Then he asked what I've been doing for exercise. I was quite proud to tell him that I've been taking daily walks with Lil Man and also started a Tai Chi class at the local community center. I figured he would be happy because studies are finding that Tai Chi helps fibro. Nope, wrong answer. Instead I was told how stupid it was to do Tai Chi and asked for the NINTY MILLIONTH FREAKING TIME if I joined Curves like he told me to. I was told that I needed to do strength training and to "get over it" (direct quote) as far as my fear of the flare up pain that always comes afterwards.

For the ninty millionth time I told him that we can't afford stupid Curves. This is when I received the second "stupid b*tch" look. I am convinced at this point that the butthole owns stock in Curves or an actual branch himself. He has NEVER told me exercises I could do on my own. He has only ever told me to do Curves. Period. I think out of all the doctors I've been through, he is the most ignorant.

If you live in New Mexico and are in need of a rheumatologist, please email me first and I will tell you my opinion on who not to go to. There are so many others in town that I feel could easily do a better job and who probably don't have stock in Curves!

So the end of my visit was me asking him if it was okay for me to see a chiropractor just for an aligning of my spine (nothing to do with the fibro). He cut me off midsentence with "That won't help". So I said again, not for the fibro and get "whatever it's your choice". Ummmmm okay. So I ask if getting a deep tissue massage is okay and the answer to that is "do what you want and we won't need to see you again at all". Huh?

Yep, I was fired for not going to Curves. Unreal I know. Do you know what happened after I left his office? I sat in my van at Walgreen's and cried for TWO hours straight while my husband practically begged me to just come home. Dr O left me feeling like a loser and like I had wasted the last year of my life because he never ever helped me with any of the fibro pain. Ever!

If you are a doctor reading this then seriously think about the way you treat your patients. Just because you have a medical degree does not mean you know everything. Patients are human beings and they are in your office for a reason and that reason is not to be belittled by a pompous ass!

I told Dr. O of my pain several times. I told him that what we were doing wasn't helping. I never once asked him for pain killers and was willing to look at things that were not tied to medication to help me so it's not like I was some junkie that came into his office wanting narcotics! I was a woman who had already been through a year (when I first saw Dr. O) of constant pain, two forms of cancer, seeing my kids have surgery, and nerve damage and hoped he would help me find just a little relief from this so I could be a mother to my children. HE told me I had fibromyalgia not the other way around.

Two days later I talked to Dr. M about it and I will post about that too because he really deserves his own post.

Today I called our insurance company and filed a formal complaint against Dr. O . It's too late to help me but hopefully in the future he'll think twice before being a jerk to someone else.

So Much For That

I guess the correct way to give the CT Scan results is kinda of inconclusive? I need to get a copy of the radiologist's report and read it myself before I can figure out what's what. Right now there's just too many questions left unanswered. Sorry but hopefully things will get worked out and I can come back here and give a good report.

Other than that, I'm back on Ultracet for pain (we're starting from the bottom up again on the painkillers because I'm just not willing to get into the heavy duty stuff) and back on Neurontin for the peripheral neuropathy. I also have to make an appointment with a new endocrinologist, my rheumatologist, and wait for my referral to an oncologist. Busy busy me.

Until then....

Just A Quick Update

aka So I Don't Forget! :) I finally have a date for my CT Scan! I'm happy that I can finally get it done but at the same time, having a reaction to the barium shakes makes me want to hide under my bed and not go. lol.

The scan will be done on March 12th and I'm hoping to get the chest x-ray earlier that same day so everything can just be done and over with. We'll be doing a scan of my neck, chest, abdomen, and pelvic area specifically. What we are looking for is medullary cancer mets in two of those places, check the fibrosis and hemangioma in my liver (bigger? smaller? more? less?), and then the elusive "tumor" in my small bowel. We already know that the cancer is coming back in my neck but we're hoping it's not forming in the lymph nodes in my chest yet or anyplace else.

If we don't see a tumor in the small intestine this time then I will finally breathe a sigh of relief and consider it nonexistant. In 2004 I had my first scan done (with barium and iv contrast) in Georgia which came back showing a tumor in my small bowel. About a year later I had another scan done here(with something else since the barium made me extremely ill and iv contrast) that came back not showing anything. My endocrinologist (at the time- FIRED) decided that their scan was right, Georgia's was wrong, and blew everything off. That did not sit well with me at all so that is why I'm having it checked again and doing it with the barium despite my reaction to it.

As I said, if it comes back not showing anything then I will happily consider that chapter closed and finished with a YAYYYY! ;) If it does show up then I will be having surgery this year to remove it. As anyone with no adrenals/adrenal insufficiency knows... surgeries are just tons of fun! *thick on the sarcasm* but with MEN2a and metastatic MTC it's a necessary evil.

So as soon as I get the results I will update again. Nothing exciting going on besides that. I have to see my rheumatologist soon and restart medications for the fibromyalgia and etc, I need to hire a new endocrinologist, and I need to find out if I should add an oncologist to my "team". Fun stuff I tell ya! Woot Woot. lol.

Also, I'm sorry for so many downbeat posts. I hope the people who read understand that after two years all this has worn on me and this is finally my "depressed" phase I guess you could call it? Being in pain everyday is hard and sometimes it comes through in my typing. I apologize for that. I don't mean to bring the folks who are nice enough to read this down but I have a feeling that most of you do understand and for that I am thankful.

I'm still hanging in there. Sometimes a finger slips off the ledge a little but I'm still holding on. ;)

By the way- tomorrow is my *gulp* Thirty-Second birthday (yep that 3 and 2). How can I be in my 30s when at least in my mind I still feel like I'm in my 20s? Then again, my body feels like its in it's 80s so maybe that evens things out. LOL.

Pain Sucks!

This will be VERY long since I've been unable to post the last few months. I'm sorry I haven't been updating but the pain has cut back on alot of things I can do. You see, on top of the MEN2a, medullary cancer, and adrenal insufficiency (which are irritating and make me tired but really don't actually hurt) I have fibromyalgia, chronic myofascial pain, and peripheral neuropathy (which do hurt). I mention this because I have just spent the last month in what I now know is the Third Realm of Hell!

My rheum started me on Cymbalta at 120mg a day in hopes of helping the fibro pain and CMP. The first day I was nauseated and dizzy constantly. The second day I had the same thing only with vomiting. The third day I had my first fibro flare up and I can honestly say it was the worst pain I have ever been in. I would much rather have given birth naturally again, have my adrenalectomy, AND have the thyroidectomy again all on the same day than felt like I felt! :(

Usually I spend my days feeling like I have the flu (ache wise) and like I'm severely dehydrated in my hands, arms, lower legs, and feet (again pain wise). It hurts and it's very draining but I've come to expect it and can cope at least. The pain from a flare though is just unbelievable and I don't see how people do it. I've always heard of fibro flares but until you truly experience one you have no idea what they honestly are like. To everyone who lives with regular flare ups.... I am so sorry and hope you have some way of finding at least a little relief from it.

Anyway- I saw my rheumatologist again on Oct 4th to see how I was doing on the Cymbalta. I told him about the flare ups and that in between I felt almost normal but kept overdoing it because that's how I am. He said that how I feel on the Cymbalta is pretty much the best they can do for me. I had a moment of wanting to cry out of despair but then I reminded myself that something is better than nothing and I am still better off than alot of people. Before I left he said we could do Flexeril at night so I can relax and maybe get some sleep finally (I can't sleep more than 3 hours straight per night). He proved that he does have a sense of humor when he said "I don't know whether to prescribe you a vacation or high doses of Valium!" to which my reply was "Ohhhh heyyy I could give the Valium to my family and it would be just like a vacation"! :) I'm liking him more with each visit. Of course, we both forgot about the Flexeril when I left his office. lol

A few days later the pain was so intense that I finally gave in. I just can't face the pain every single day anymore. I tried and I think I've done pretty well the past year. I don't want to hurt anymore. So I called his nurse and asked for the Flexeril and called Dr. M and asked for a pain killer. I ended up with Vicodin and my first words were "I don't have a headache and that's all this is good for!". lol

The first night I took both and they both actually worked!! I sat here in front of the computer feeling no pain at all. I looked at my hands, arms, I touched my legs.... all pain free. I honestly cried. It was the first time in over a year that I had no pain at all. That night I slept for 4 1/2 hours straight! Of course, the next night they didn't work so well and I had pain but it was lighter than it usually is and again I slept for over 4 hours. :)

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. M and I'm going to ask for something stronger. I know that most doctors are afraid to prescribe narcotics but I'm not worried about addiction. Over the years I've had just about everything there is out there and I've never been bothered by it. I'm the kind of person who only takes something if I just can't suck it up any longer. I think Dr. M will realize that and help me out. I don't want to be a spaced out zombie just be able to make it through the day and be a part of my kids' childhoods.

Sis is doing well. Nothing wrong with her right now and her jaw problems seems to have corrected itself. I'm still getting her a mouthguard though to help with the teeth grinding at night. I'd hate to see her have dental problems later.

Big B has been having trouble sleeping for the last two months. We had his TSH levels tested and he came back at over 25.0 on it! No, that's not a misprint, it wasn't .25 but 25.0. Can you believe that? Normal range is about 0.4-5.5 mU/L . Dr M prescribed him 200mcg on the Synthroid which is 50 more than I am on so it worried me at first and I called the ped endo to ask her if she thought it was alright. She said definately considering how high his numbers were.

He hasn't been feeling any different besides the insomnia so it was shocking to find out his levels were that out of whack. I guess I need to expect things like that considering the three of us don't have a thyroid and have to depend on a pill to do the work for us.

So that's it. The big long update. Pretty boring I know. Next week I see a psychologist that deals in helping people with chronic pain. The hope is that he can teach me ways to ease the stress and pain so I can deal better with life in general. I'm honestly excited to see how this turns out. So wish me luck and I promise not to go two months again without updating.

-Also, to all the people who do searches and end up at this blog... please leave a comment or email me if you need help with a question. I'm not a doctor or anything but I do know many and can put you in touch with people that can help if I can't. It hurts my heart to see all the MEN2a, pheo, cancer, fibro, etc searches because it means someone else is out there hurting. If I can ease your hurt even a little then I am happy to help. -

My New Hero and Update On Us

I came across a blog today that truly set me back on my heels. It was a blog I needed to see because I've been sitting here feeling sorry for myself lately. Then I found Ruben. Ruben's blog Each Day Counts is an amazing display of an amazing man and his life. He is my new hero and I am so glad I found his blog. Please be sure to visit and encourage him as he fights for a much needed liver transplant among other things. I am very humbled right now.

Our update- On Monday I went to my six week check-up with the rheumatologist and really can't complain. To be honest, I didn't think he had much of a personality before but now he's not half bad. I may even end up liking him. lol

He has finally given up on the whole Elavil for fibromyalgia thing and we are going to try Cymbalta 120mg daily (60mg twice daily). Cymbalta supposedly has had good results on fibro pain and even though it didn't work when the pain specialist tried it for my nerve damage, I'm willing to give it a try for fibro. Oh who am I kidding? I'd give just about anything a try right now for this pain! :)

We discussed the stress factor again and he was pretty dismayed. I told him that I am to blame in part because I have always been a very stressed out person. I learned that at a young age and it has stuck with me. He told me again that lowering my stress levels is a must because the more stressed I am the more I am going to hurt.

Friday- Big B and I had appointments with Dr M. Big B's appointment was a follow-up to check his acne and see if the med he is on for it is helping. Dr M gave him a prescription for 500mg of the tetracyclene three times daily and told him that his acne is looking much better. YAY! Big B also told Dr M about his insomnia the last few months. Dr M decided to do thyroid bloodwork to make sure everything is okay there. I feel like a moron because I didn't think of that sooner (hypothyroidism can cause insomnia). :( So we'll see how that turns out.

During my appointment Dr M addressed the stress thing too. He then referred me to a psychiatrist that deals strictly with teaching people how to deal with chronic pain. This new doctor will teach me little ways to help myself ease the pain from the fibro and maybe that will help me feel a little less stressed. I figure it's worth a try (aren't I very agreeable at this point? lol).

Dr M also raised the Neurontin to 1800mg daily and we can go as high as 2700mg. I'm really hoping we find a dosage that eases the neuropathy because it would be great to go through even one day without having to constantly rub my hands. It sounds like such a small thing but when you are constantly rubbing your hands (I'm even doing it as I take breaks from typing. lol) even something insignificant like not having to rub them is a big deal to you.

So higher dosages on meds for Big B and I, new med for me, and a referral for me.

Still trying to get Sis into physical therapy but now they are saying she has to go to this dental specialist who will then refer her for therapy. *eyeroll* Unfortunately this falls under our dental insurance instead of medical insurance and that means it will cost us around $300 for that dental specialist. Yeah, we'll just pull that money out of our asses too. *sigh*

The Power Of Comments

*This is a cross post from my Life With Heathens blog but I wanted to share it here as well. Some words and links have been changed around so it makes sense here.*

I've received some very humbling comments in the last few days on both this blog and our LWH blog. Usually comments are just short witty phrases to let you know a person was there. I've always thought comments were alot of fun and can't imagine my blogs without them.

The ones I've had here lately though have honestly set me back on my heels, which is a good thing don't worry. :) People have commented that reading about me and my family has made them want to be more positive and given them hope. That's such a powerful thing to say and I never expected to have it aimed at me. As I said, it's very humbling and appreciated more than those of you who comment could know.

You see, here at home my husband says I bitch, nag, and complain too much (even if I'm just talking about my day it's considered bitching). My kids look at me often in disappointment because I can't take them somewhere they wanted to go. Some days I sit here and do nothing but cry because I feel so worthless and like such a failure. On one hand I know it's not my fault and it's because of the fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy, no thyroid, metastic cancer, no adrenal glands, and the meds I'm on. When I think of that I'm proud of myself because I DO try everyday to be the best I can even though I hurt like hell. On the other hand though my family makes me feel like I'm a burden because I can't be the perfect housekeeper, the perfect runaround mom, the perfect teacher, or the perfect playmate. When I look at that side I feel like I have let them down and it hurts. They don't seem to care (specifically one member) but it hurts my heart greatly.

Then I see comments like the ones mentioned and I feel like at least something I'm doing matters to someone. Right now you have no clue how good that makes me feel.

As if that wasn't enough, I was checking in on my friend, Robin's, blog just reading and scrolling down when I came to this. It was so unexpected and put me in tears. I never knew she thought that way about me and it honestly made my whole month. Thank you again Robin for being such a great friend. I truly feel blessed.

So this post is just to let all of you who comment know that I appreciate ALL the comments you leave. It's like getting little happy notes in your lunchbox when you were a kid. lol. Thank you everyone who comments on this blog, our LWH blog, and our homeschool blog as well. I am forever humbled by your words.

I don't have any updates for you right now. I'm currently up to 12oomg of Neurontin and it's not doing anything so I'm sure that will be raised again next week. I see the Rheumatologist on Monday and I'm going to push for no more Elavil bull either. It's time to try something new.

Sis will be getting a mouthpiece next week in hopes that it will help her TMJ and I have to call and kick some arse because no one has bothered setting up her physical therapy (it's been well over a month now).

Thank you and blessings to all.

Hugz,Jo

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming...

This is how I'm feeling right now. I'm swiming for all I'm worth right now but a floatation device would be a nice surprise. ;) Where do I start the updates?

Saw the rheumatologist again and all he really did was up the Elavil some more, tell me not to dwell on the pain or it will hurt worse (the response to me saying that if we can just ease the pain I can take the reins from there. WTF???), and poke me in all the spots that already hurt. lol. I'm honestly getting really sick of this Elavil crap. It doesn't work...for anything so let's get past it already and go on to something that WILL work. *sigh*

Also saw Dr. M again (every three weeks) and he upped the Neurontin some more which was my idea with him because at 700mg it feels like something is happening. Not sure what but it's something and that's better than what I've had...nothing. So the Neurontin is at 900mg right now with it going up to 1200mg by the time I see him again. I know it seems like alot but around 800mg is where they start diabetes patients who have nerve pain. I've still got at least another 1000mg that I can go. Woohoo. ;)

According to their scales I've lost a total of 8lbs since December. I'm not sure whether to believe it or not though when the scale here at home only shows a 4lb loss. Either way it's better than gaining more weight and hopefully within the next year I can lose 15-20 more pounds and be my old self again.

The sleep aids didn't help Sis sleep at all so we took her off them and made an appointment with a craniofacial center on August 7th. It's looking like she's going to end up wearing a mouthpiece at night to keep her from grinding. I just hate that the poor kid is in pain and I can't do much to help her. She's also now complaining of pain in her elbow as well. She says it hurts when she tries to straighten it. She's too young to fall apart on me dammit. :(

I have another appointment with the rheumatologist in August, another appointment with Dr M in August, Sis's appointment with the craniofacial center, Lil Man has dental work, and Vin has an appointment with a plastic surgeon to look at his nose. It seems the surgery to fix his deviated septum didn't go so well and now we have to figure out how to fix it. *sigh*

I'm starting to realize that the fibromyalgia and peripheral neuropathy are my two biggest problems right now. They are what leaves me in pain nonstop which in turn drains me of energy. I've visited message boards for both and to be honest, they are kind of discouraging. It seems that no one finds relief for very long before they have to start all over again. I just can't believe that at 30 years old I had to deal with two cancers (one metastatic) myself plus the MTC in the two older kids and now at 31 years old I have to deal with fibro and neuropathy pain!

Whatever happened to being healthy and enjoying life while you're young? If this is my life in my 30's then what the hell do I have to look forward to if I make it to my 40's and 50's? This just plain sucks and I'm going to keep trying to find relief from this pain so I can enjoy my kids and enjoy my life! I didn't make it through cancer just to end up a pain filled lump on the couch dammit!

Okay, rant over. I'll update again after we have all our appointments. Oh and by the way, I started following the traffic to this site and it's honestly very interesting. People from universities, hospitals, doctor's offices, and just random Google searches are reading on this blog. It's a little flattering and I hope that people will start posting comments to let me know they were here.

I hate this blog...

I really do. I hate coming here to post and I hate reading over the old posts. There's never much good news to talk about and it reminds me of the bad news. I know what you're saying (if anyone even reads this thing at all anymore), you're saying "Well then quit blogging here" and I thought about that. If I quit writing or took the blog down though then I would have failed at the whole reason I started it in the first place.

It's here to document our life with MEN2a, that's true but it was also started so that no one else would ever have to type "MEN2a" into Google and see nothing but medical links. It's here so that people newly diagnosed with this disorder can see that there are others out there with it as well. Real people with real lives just like them. I hope it helps them and makes them feel less alone because this is definately a lonely disorder.

So anyway- Calcitonin levels on the kids came back barely traceable meaning that at this point we consider them cured of medullary thyroid cancer! We will still check them yearly just to be safe but we can breathe a sigh of relief none the less. Their 24hr urine and calcium levels also came back normal so no adrenal cancer or problems with calcium levels for Big B this time. Sis had to have her Levothroid raised again though which isn't a big deal. She is now up to .125mg and Big B is at .150mg of Synthroid.

Me on the other hand... I'm still a train wreck. My calcitonin levels are back on the rise again. I knew it was going to happen but I think a part of me was holding out. It's still very low though so I've still got time. My intact PTH is higher than it's ever been which caused a lively conversation between me and the endo. He has basically admitted now that he was wrong before. The last test they did here my intact PTH was supposedly "normal" and he felt that the previous two tests in Georgia were wrong. Well now my PTH is over 1300 so he feels the last test here was probably wrong. *eyeroll*. What is he going to do about it? Nothing of course. He feels we should leave it in there since it's not making my calcium skyrocket. My calcium was at the high end of low as well but no follow up bloodwork to keep an eye on it.

The verdict? FIRED!!! My life is too short to deal with bullshit plain and simple. The tumor in my intestine? No clue. I took a disc copy of my ct scans from Georgia to him so he could compare them with the ones here and we could figure out once and for all if there is a tumor or not. All I got in return was make a copy and he'll have radiology take a look at it. I'm glad I don't have a progressive cancer for crying out loud!

So anyway- my 24hr urine came back fine so no signs of the adrenal cancer coming back. I had an appointment on May 17th with a rheumatologist to be tested for fibromyalgia. The verdict on that? I have fibromyalgia. In some ways I'm not phased one way or the other by the diagnosis. In other ways, I'm glad to at least have a diagnosis so we can start trying to take care of my pain. I've been in constant pain for almost a year now and it has sorely worn on me to say the least.

The rheumatologist also said that I have to reduce my stress because it is causing the pain to be even worse and damaging me (stress not the pain). He said he didn't care what it took but stress must go down. So what has my family done since to help? Not a damn thing. The kids still take turns upsetting me and stressing me out and my husband is the worst of all. I honestly think the man could care less whether I live or die. There is no feeling there at all and definately no care to help reduce stress for me. He is just as rude as ever.

I still can not for the life of me lose weight. I lost a total of 4lbs but the new meds I'm on have caused me to gain them all back. It's hell being in pain, miserable, AND fat. So you see, again nothing great to post about.

The wonderful thing though is the results for the kids. I am more than happy with those results and will gladly trade me having crappy results for them. It is well worth it. Having my kids be healthy and cancer free means more to me than any diagnosis I could ever get for myself.