Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Power Of Comments

*This is a cross post from my Life With Heathens blog but I wanted to share it here as well. Some words and links have been changed around so it makes sense here.*

I've received some very humbling comments in the last few days on both this blog and our LWH blog. Usually comments are just short witty phrases to let you know a person was there. I've always thought comments were alot of fun and can't imagine my blogs without them.

The ones I've had here lately though have honestly set me back on my heels, which is a good thing don't worry. :) People have commented that reading about me and my family has made them want to be more positive and given them hope. That's such a powerful thing to say and I never expected to have it aimed at me. As I said, it's very humbling and appreciated more than those of you who comment could know.

You see, here at home my husband says I bitch, nag, and complain too much (even if I'm just talking about my day it's considered bitching). My kids look at me often in disappointment because I can't take them somewhere they wanted to go. Some days I sit here and do nothing but cry because I feel so worthless and like such a failure. On one hand I know it's not my fault and it's because of the fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy, no thyroid, metastic cancer, no adrenal glands, and the meds I'm on. When I think of that I'm proud of myself because I DO try everyday to be the best I can even though I hurt like hell. On the other hand though my family makes me feel like I'm a burden because I can't be the perfect housekeeper, the perfect runaround mom, the perfect teacher, or the perfect playmate. When I look at that side I feel like I have let them down and it hurts. They don't seem to care (specifically one member) but it hurts my heart greatly.

Then I see comments like the ones mentioned and I feel like at least something I'm doing matters to someone. Right now you have no clue how good that makes me feel.

As if that wasn't enough, I was checking in on my friend, Robin's, blog just reading and scrolling down when I came to this. It was so unexpected and put me in tears. I never knew she thought that way about me and it honestly made my whole month. Thank you again Robin for being such a great friend. I truly feel blessed.

So this post is just to let all of you who comment know that I appreciate ALL the comments you leave. It's like getting little happy notes in your lunchbox when you were a kid. lol. Thank you everyone who comments on this blog, our LWH blog, and our homeschool blog as well. I am forever humbled by your words.

I don't have any updates for you right now. I'm currently up to 12oomg of Neurontin and it's not doing anything so I'm sure that will be raised again next week. I see the Rheumatologist on Monday and I'm going to push for no more Elavil bull either. It's time to try something new.

Sis will be getting a mouthpiece next week in hopes that it will help her TMJ and I have to call and kick some arse because no one has bothered setting up her physical therapy (it's been well over a month now).

Thank you and blessings to all.



Cheryl said...

Jo - you really are an inspiration. You can't be the perfect mom/playmate and all that - NO ONE can. I don't deal with anything like you deal with and I still feel like I don't do a good job - you are dealing with ALL the physical issues and you are still TRYING to do all you can to be a good mom. Not everyone would try. Many would make excuses for far less. I have seen people make exucses for far less. I'm sure it's hard for your family sometimes when you can't do everything they would like you to and for you also - that must be hard. But really you are trying, you are fighting. You can be proud of yourself for that and be gentle with yourself.

Joan said...

Jo, I came to your blog via your comment on mine, and I just want to you know that I feel exactly the same gratitude towards folks, like you, who leave similar comments for me. I agree with Cheryl, you really are an inspiration. I have some woes but they are nothing compared to what you have gone through, and you should be proud of both your strength and your eloquence.

I also know exactly how bad it feels when I can't take care of kids/house/myself as well as I would like -- it's so easy to fall into depression, but it's not as if anyone gives us credit for fighting that particular battle on top of everything else...

Hang in there. Your comment to me the other day buoyed me for at least a week. This week I've heard from two women who came across my blog and wrote to me to say thank you. Even if our voices reached only one other person and gave her hope or inspiration, isn't that still something precious and rare?

Keep writing, and allow yourself to feel good about this, because you are doing a very good thing.

QDAUZ said...

Hi there! U know, we blogger always end up at someones page by one way or another, and here i am at urs. Lemme say first off I too was diagonosed with FMS back in '93 when i was active air force, serving in support of Desert Storm and about freshly 18 yrs old. I have 4 sons, who range in age from 5 to 12 and a hubby ive been with for 10yrs but hes only 26, so Im goving u a sec do do that math and we moved here 1yr ago from Illinois in hopes of getting some answers at a better VA facility, hotter weather, whatever, since the three youngest also suffer from Sickle Cell Anemia or Hemoglobin C Disease,(which the childrens hosp in chicago knew nothing about at the time) so i prayed that if God would heal them at least, i would happily continue to suffer, which He did and so i have. Now since getting here i too sat in my bed and did nothing but cried some days, and some days i got it crankin' even tho it hurt like hell and one day we went to put minutes on a cell phone we barely used, but needed to put time o it since we primarily use a broadband line and our cable modem server kept going in and out which would leave me with no phone use, alone at nite while my husband works nites. It was our only alternative, being that i got so sick and could no longer even hold my head up or stop dry-heaving long enough, so they graciously swapped me for him, and put him on nites so the Blessing came as such and we were thankful. Now as i come in the door with this cell, it rings in my hand before i could put it down, and when i answered, it was a woman calling from Canada to an entirely different state. as we continued to talk, (because i can talk to an operator for hours! and have!) so i was expressing how nicely we clicked for a wrong # and how refreshing it was, especially after so many weeks in the dark room crying and contemplating God-only-knows, and she replied that she understood, because i reminded her of one of her best friends who has Fibromyalgia and was an OB Nurse and so on but due to pain and etc and then she spoke in past tenses and said "she was" and "she had" and ill tell you, that day was a turning point in my life!

we became fast friends and i kept talking to her about her friend, and she educated me on it and now 6 mos later im dressing my slef again and doing the "Mom thing" in the morning for my boys yesterday for school, and i felt so danged good!

there is always that one person in the house that makes it seem so troublesome, but fear not, they love u all the same, and trust me, they'd much rather have u there and the "bother" exist rather than not have you and not have the "bother", u know? My #3 son, who is only 6 until october, will hurriedly get up and leave my room, so that i cant ask him for anything!!! But i tell u, he's constantly in there, as if he lives in here with me, so it must not be that big of a bother! Iy hurts really bad sometimes i know, i still get a little blue every now and again, but nothing like before. I wasnt getting any answers and was beginning to beileve there wasnt any hope for me, my pain was so severe and i just felt like they would be much better off without me, holding them back. That is never the case, Jo, and people like us who share our stories give others reasons to go on. They will undoubtedly assist in someone else's healing, and definitely our own. I applaud u for fighting the cancer, we fought it with my adopted mom and brother at the same time while pregnant with a 10-pound baby, the third one, and we know what a slobberknocker it can be! I myslef survived a brutal beating/rape while active duty, suffered lots of subsequent conditions, which had made me barren according to air force docs- but look what GOD DID FOR ME! and just when i had moved my whole family out here and still wasnt getting any better and had all but given up, i got that call! i dont need warm water therapy anymore, i dont need the trove of drugs i used to, only for breakthrough now, and im praising everyday and i wanted to let u know that u are not alone in this, and there isnt a feeling uve had that i havent, and many many hugs go out to you! GOD BLESS! ~Monique Dauzvardis

W said...

Jo, looked at your pictures - thanks so much. It is great to put your face to all your commentsand you look nothing like the person you have described! You look lovely! My daughter has one half of your scar on the right side of her neck too as a result of the same surgery (not as extensive as yours). She has a bad keloiding problem due to her skin type but we have found a cosmetic makeup made specifically for covering up surgical scars and birth defects and it has changed her life. It is made in the States and thankfully is imported to Australia and available through pharmacies here.The product is called DERMABLEND and you could find the supplier on the Web. MY daughter is in her teens and very self-consious about the appearance of the scar - this product has truly helped with her self-confidence after her surgery.