Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Power Of Comments

*This is a cross post from my Life With Heathens blog but I wanted to share it here as well. Some words and links have been changed around so it makes sense here.*

I've received some very humbling comments in the last few days on both this blog and our LWH blog. Usually comments are just short witty phrases to let you know a person was there. I've always thought comments were alot of fun and can't imagine my blogs without them.

The ones I've had here lately though have honestly set me back on my heels, which is a good thing don't worry. :) People have commented that reading about me and my family has made them want to be more positive and given them hope. That's such a powerful thing to say and I never expected to have it aimed at me. As I said, it's very humbling and appreciated more than those of you who comment could know.

You see, here at home my husband says I bitch, nag, and complain too much (even if I'm just talking about my day it's considered bitching). My kids look at me often in disappointment because I can't take them somewhere they wanted to go. Some days I sit here and do nothing but cry because I feel so worthless and like such a failure. On one hand I know it's not my fault and it's because of the fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy, no thyroid, metastic cancer, no adrenal glands, and the meds I'm on. When I think of that I'm proud of myself because I DO try everyday to be the best I can even though I hurt like hell. On the other hand though my family makes me feel like I'm a burden because I can't be the perfect housekeeper, the perfect runaround mom, the perfect teacher, or the perfect playmate. When I look at that side I feel like I have let them down and it hurts. They don't seem to care (specifically one member) but it hurts my heart greatly.

Then I see comments like the ones mentioned and I feel like at least something I'm doing matters to someone. Right now you have no clue how good that makes me feel.

As if that wasn't enough, I was checking in on my friend, Robin's, blog just reading and scrolling down when I came to this. It was so unexpected and put me in tears. I never knew she thought that way about me and it honestly made my whole month. Thank you again Robin for being such a great friend. I truly feel blessed.

So this post is just to let all of you who comment know that I appreciate ALL the comments you leave. It's like getting little happy notes in your lunchbox when you were a kid. lol. Thank you everyone who comments on this blog, our LWH blog, and our homeschool blog as well. I am forever humbled by your words.

I don't have any updates for you right now. I'm currently up to 12oomg of Neurontin and it's not doing anything so I'm sure that will be raised again next week. I see the Rheumatologist on Monday and I'm going to push for no more Elavil bull either. It's time to try something new.

Sis will be getting a mouthpiece next week in hopes that it will help her TMJ and I have to call and kick some arse because no one has bothered setting up her physical therapy (it's been well over a month now).

Thank you and blessings to all.

Hugz,Jo

2 comments:

Cheryl said...

Jo - you really are an inspiration. You can't be the perfect mom/playmate and all that - NO ONE can. I don't deal with anything like you deal with and I still feel like I don't do a good job - you are dealing with ALL the physical issues and you are still TRYING to do all you can to be a good mom. Not everyone would try. Many would make excuses for far less. I have seen people make exucses for far less. I'm sure it's hard for your family sometimes when you can't do everything they would like you to and for you also - that must be hard. But really you are trying, you are fighting. You can be proud of yourself for that and be gentle with yourself.

Joan said...

Jo, I came to your blog via your comment on mine, and I just want to you know that I feel exactly the same gratitude towards folks, like you, who leave similar comments for me. I agree with Cheryl, you really are an inspiration. I have some woes but they are nothing compared to what you have gone through, and you should be proud of both your strength and your eloquence.

I also know exactly how bad it feels when I can't take care of kids/house/myself as well as I would like -- it's so easy to fall into depression, but it's not as if anyone gives us credit for fighting that particular battle on top of everything else...

Hang in there. Your comment to me the other day buoyed me for at least a week. This week I've heard from two women who came across my blog and wrote to me to say thank you. Even if our voices reached only one other person and gave her hope or inspiration, isn't that still something precious and rare?

Keep writing, and allow yourself to feel good about this, because you are doing a very good thing.