Dear Body,

I hate you too but I at least TRY to be nice to you so quit being such a painfilled bitch! I don't know if I can ever understand why you felt the need to just quit on so many levels. Yes, we have cancer that can't be cured. Yes, we're missing a bunch of organs. Yes, we're stuck on steroids for the rest of our life and have to worry about sickness. Yes, we have fibromyalgia as well as RLS, Costochondritis, Peripheral Neuropathy, Osteoarthritis, Bursitis, Migraines, and who the hell knows what else. Yes, our life will never be "normal" again. That part hurts and upsets me too. Honestly it does.

But you know what? We're still here. We're still alive to see these kids grow. We're still able to cheer friends on and cry with them when needed. Our eyes work so we can see all the beauty in the world. Our heart works so we can love and appreciate love in return. Our mind may not work as well as we'd like but it remembers our loved ones and our time with them.

We have so much going for us and chronic pain is not the thing hurting me the most right now. It's knowing that you aren't trying to fight anymore. We can't beat this but we can still give it hell. We can still let all these stupid "issues" (we do have enough for a subscription of our own don't we? lol) know that WE aren't quitting or giving up.

I know it's hard. I'm the one inside you crying out most days. I feel your pain and know it's hard but please don't forget that I'm in here too and I want to live. It might not be the life we planned on or wanted but let's still LIVE while we can. I don't want the world to pass us by or leave us behind. I want to be as much a part of it as you can handle. I promise I won't be sad if you do your best.

Just don't give up. Don't quit trying.

Sincerely, The Soul Trapped In You.

Goodbye And Love To Sarah of Spruce Hill Farm

It is with much sadness that I tell you we have lost another wonderful, beautiful, cancer mama. Sarah from the Spruce Hill blog's family posted this on Twitter just minutes ago- "Friends: Sarah passed quietly tonight after a long, hard battle. We appreciate all love/support/prayers. Thank you [from her family]". 

I want to send my thoughts, love, and condolences to Sarah's family. She was an inspiration to many many others with cancer and will be sorely missed.

I really hate cancer! Dammit!

"Average Joe" heroes

"Average Joe" heroes

 As a little girl, my heroes were Wonder Woman and my cool third-grade teacher with the wild hair. Later, they changed to people like Amelia Earhart, Joan of Arc, and Eleanore Roosevelt. Okay so I still thought Wonder Woman was da bomb too! When I became an adult though, I quit having heroes. There just wasn't anyone who inspired me anymore.

Then I read the story of Kent and Melony on a parenting board I was on at the time. Melony was the mother of fivc (three by birth and two adopted), a talented artist, and she designed the most adorable outfits for kids. From a distance this woman seemed to live a perfectly charmed life. She just seemed so happy and on top of the world. Soon though I found out how truly amazing her story and life really were.

You see, Kent was fighting a Stage 4 cancer and it had been a pretty rough fight for him. Each update told of a body that was getting weaker yet a soul that was still burning brightly and fighting for all it was worth. Neither of them ever complained about anything and Melony spoke of Kent with  so much love that you could actually feel it yourself. Kent showed his love by fighting and refusing to leave his family. All this and more is why they will eternally be my heroes.

Kent taught me that I can never give up because the bottom line is that it's not really about me. It's about my family and loved ones who still need me. I learned to always keep my sense of humor thanks to him. I know now that if he could laugh, smile, and joke with all he was up against then there's no reason I couldn't do the same.

Through Melony, I finally witnessed unconditional love, unwavering faith, and the very epitome of grace. She is the kind of woman I dream of one day being. She never spoke of how hard this must all be on her but instead told about every wonderful and encouraging thing Kent did. 

Thanks to Kent and his amazing sidekick, Melony, I have heroes once again. Even though they don't wear masks, tights, or long flowing capes, my "Average Joe" heroes still save the day. And the greatest part of all is that all they had to do was keep being themselves.

*Footnote* Kent passed away at home holding his wife's hand on September 23, 2005. He is sorely missed and will always be "Superman" to myself and many others.