Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming...

This is how I'm feeling right now. I'm swiming for all I'm worth right now but a floatation device would be a nice surprise. ;) Where do I start the updates?

Saw the rheumatologist again and all he really did was up the Elavil some more, tell me not to dwell on the pain or it will hurt worse (the response to me saying that if we can just ease the pain I can take the reins from there. WTF???), and poke me in all the spots that already hurt. lol. I'm honestly getting really sick of this Elavil crap. It doesn't work...for anything so let's get past it already and go on to something that WILL work. *sigh*

Also saw Dr. M again (every three weeks) and he upped the Neurontin some more which was my idea with him because at 700mg it feels like something is happening. Not sure what but it's something and that's better than what I've had...nothing. So the Neurontin is at 900mg right now with it going up to 1200mg by the time I see him again. I know it seems like alot but around 800mg is where they start diabetes patients who have nerve pain. I've still got at least another 1000mg that I can go. Woohoo. ;)

According to their scales I've lost a total of 8lbs since December. I'm not sure whether to believe it or not though when the scale here at home only shows a 4lb loss. Either way it's better than gaining more weight and hopefully within the next year I can lose 15-20 more pounds and be my old self again.

The sleep aids didn't help Sis sleep at all so we took her off them and made an appointment with a craniofacial center on August 7th. It's looking like she's going to end up wearing a mouthpiece at night to keep her from grinding. I just hate that the poor kid is in pain and I can't do much to help her. She's also now complaining of pain in her elbow as well. She says it hurts when she tries to straighten it. She's too young to fall apart on me dammit. :(

I have another appointment with the rheumatologist in August, another appointment with Dr M in August, Sis's appointment with the craniofacial center, Lil Man has dental work, and Vin has an appointment with a plastic surgeon to look at his nose. It seems the surgery to fix his deviated septum didn't go so well and now we have to figure out how to fix it. *sigh*

I'm starting to realize that the fibromyalgia and peripheral neuropathy are my two biggest problems right now. They are what leaves me in pain nonstop which in turn drains me of energy. I've visited message boards for both and to be honest, they are kind of discouraging. It seems that no one finds relief for very long before they have to start all over again. I just can't believe that at 30 years old I had to deal with two cancers (one metastatic) myself plus the MTC in the two older kids and now at 31 years old I have to deal with fibro and neuropathy pain!

Whatever happened to being healthy and enjoying life while you're young? If this is my life in my 30's then what the hell do I have to look forward to if I make it to my 40's and 50's? This just plain sucks and I'm going to keep trying to find relief from this pain so I can enjoy my kids and enjoy my life! I didn't make it through cancer just to end up a pain filled lump on the couch dammit!

Okay, rant over. I'll update again after we have all our appointments. Oh and by the way, I started following the traffic to this site and it's honestly very interesting. People from universities, hospitals, doctor's offices, and just random Google searches are reading on this blog. It's a little flattering and I hope that people will start posting comments to let me know they were here.