Dear Body,
I hate you too but I at least TRY to be nice to you so quit being such a painfilled bitch! I don't know if I can ever understand why you felt the need to just quit on so many levels. Yes, we have cancer that can't be cured. Yes, we're missing a bunch of organs. Yes, we're stuck on steroids for the rest of our life and have to worry about sickness. Yes, we have fibromyalgia as well as RLS, Costochondritis, Peripheral Neuropathy, Osteoarthritis, Bursitis, Migraines, and who the hell knows what else. Yes, our life will never be "normal" again. That part hurts and upsets me too. Honestly it does.
But you know what? We're still here. We're still alive to see these kids grow. We're still able to cheer friends on and cry with them when needed. Our eyes work so we can see all the beauty in the world. Our heart works so we can love and appreciate love in return. Our mind may not work as well as we'd like but it remembers our loved ones and our time with them.
We have so much going for us and chronic pain is not the thing hurting me the most right now. It's knowing that you aren't trying to fight anymore. We can't beat this but we can still give it hell. We can still let all these stupid "issues" (we do have enough for a subscription of our own don't we? lol) know that WE aren't quitting or giving up.
I know it's hard. I'm the one inside you crying out most days. I feel your pain and know it's hard but please don't forget that I'm in here too and I want to live. It might not be the life we planned on or wanted but let's still LIVE while we can. I don't want the world to pass us by or leave us behind. I want to be as much a part of it as you can handle. I promise I won't be sad if you do your best.
Just don't give up. Don't quit trying.
Sincerely, The Soul Trapped In You.
Gone To Soon
Stig's Cancer Blog
Punk Rock Mommy
Lisa Clusterfook
Jenni at The Comfy Place
Rivka at Coffee and Chemo
Sue at Cancer Visa
Daria at Living With Cancer
Terry at Cancer Diva
WhyMommy/Susan at Toddler Planet
Judy at Just Enjoy Him
April at One Mother With Cancer
Nicole at Throws Like A Girl
And My Wonderful Father, Darling Vincent Smith "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years".
5 comments:
Jo,
Beautifully said (as usual).
Dear Jo's body,
Here is your memo. Jo is still kicking cancer's ass. You need to get with the program. I love you both,
Anna.
Well said. True on so many levels. I love you.
Thinking of you.
Jo,
Three weeks ago I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I had been sick for years with different complaints and had already had a thyroid op 7 years ago. The thing is I stopped going to the doctor for check ups because I was sick of doctors and hospitals. Not that I spent that much time in hospitals myself, it's just that two years ago one of my sons was hit by a car and spent 4 months in hospital and much of that time I lived in a motel cross the road so that I could see my son all day everyday. My son now has many problems and an ABI. I put him and my other 3 boys ahead of myself - as all mothers do, and thought that all the pain and bad health I was experiencing was just due to the stress of having a 19 year old son with a disability, large family and work to deal with. This year (January), my 22 year old son tried to commit suicide and he was in hospital for afew days. I looked after him and took him to his doctor's appointments, etc. I felt awful but put everything down to stress. A month after that my grandmother died and I just felt apart. Off I went to the doctor and had several tests done and a FNAB on a noddule in my Thyroid (what was left after the operation 7 years ago). Two days later the doctor calls and wants to see me straight away. I was not ready for bad news and told her I would see her in two days. When she told me it was cancer I cried - not for me but because I had so much pain and sadness bottled up inside that the news just made all the past events rush to my mind. I could not contain myself any longer. I am trying to be strong and positive but am in a lot of pain and worry that I might have had this thing for a long time but kept pushing it aside. On the 8th May I will be operated and want to hear from others what the treatment is like and what their experiences were like.
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